One Jewish Woman's Perspective at Christmastime by Gail Sussman Miller

This is an interesting time of year. Starting with Thanksgiving, it seems we get on a roller coaster of food, parties, shopping, decorations, card sending/receiving, and what can feel like pressure to me. In 2007, retailers began with Christmas-themed music and decorations right after Halloween!

The part that feels like pressure is the number of choices and expectations about my level of participation. As I write this I realize that I am thinking about participation down to the very simple level even of greetings at this time of year.

First, there are the parties for which I am invited/expected (hoped) to attend and keeping my socializing at a level that is balanced for my needs. Then there is the gift exchanging and shopping and the perceived pressure to come up with some gift for those on the list. Each year, I try to find my best level of involvement, to know what I want, what will serve me, and allow me the most enjoyment. My sister, who likewise feels she'd rather give "when the gift appears," has an agreement with me to not exchange gifts unless we feel moved and to then do so any time of the year. I realize it's my choice to say yes or no to any or all of these practices. And I look to my heart to figure out where I can give freely of store-bought or heart-driven gifts and energy.

The piece that I find interesting and challenging and sometimes annoying as a Jewish woman, is the high level of expectation around it being Christmas-time. I don't celebrate Christmas. And Chanukah is a lesser Jewish holiday compared to others we celebrate. In the U.S., the Jewish community has responded with more decorations and gift-giving and even trees in their home to keep pace and appease their children.

The seasonal music is nearly all about Christmas; the holiday and the culture and Santa and practices. I enjoy the music and festive decorations to a point and then it begins to exclude me or to remind me of all the things I don't do and how I don't fit in... the tree, the wise men, the mistletoe, gifts under the tree, stringing lights, coming "home" for Christmas, reindeers and the big guy in the red suit.

The most interesting quandary is how I choose to respond to frequent greetings of "Merry Christmas." It's not Christmas for me. I realize not all people mean it in the religious sense, yet it is about a religious holiday with the word Christ in it, which is a concept and belief about a Jewish man that I don't share. This greeting is so prevalent in the U.S. that it's become more about the season. Most times I let that go and know it's meant well and comes from a loving place. At times I just answer back the same, sometimes I reply with "Happy Chanukah," which feels like it's just as out of integrity if they are not celebrating my holiday. Sometimes I feel like raising awareness and say, "I don't celebrate Christmas, but thank you." I get some pretty dumfounded expressions in reply... and that's the most interesting. The Merry Christmas greeting typically leads to questions about if I bought my tree, who I'll celebrate with and where I'll go on 12/25 (Chinese food and a movie, usually), etc.

[*** I must share a very telling discovery. As I spellchecked this email, I found that I left the "t" out of the word Christmas 3 times! Freudian? HAH! I rest my case.***]

This feels like a small thing and yet it comes up for me every year. The piece that I realize triggers me is the assumption behind the greeting. And sometimes the lack of awareness by a majority of how they are treating others. And I know some radio show hosts have had a merry time with this topic. My solution when I initiate is a simple, "happy holidays."

Ah, so, one Jewish woman's opinion. Having participated in the powerful Bridges and Boundaries training weekend this summer, on multi-cultural issues and racism, I see how the assumptions people make about me during this holiday season put me on the receiving end of aversive "isms" about my religion and my culture that comes from a lack of sensitivity or awareness and long-standing cultural habit by a majority in our country. (aversive according to Merriam-Webster is tending to avoid or causing avoidance of a noxious or punishing stimulus) This is like the assumptions and judgments I am not be aware (more aware now) that I make about people of other races.

Well, Mary asked us to write and now I've just done some cleansing in doing so! Thanks, Mary. I feel like I've been doing a clearing here. This is clearly about me and how I choose to respond to the offerings and traditions of the country and community and friends and family of which I am a citizen. I will make my choices. And my request to the world is notice and respect and honor and CELEBRATE our differences and to be awake to how we respond.

The one gift of this season is seeing people in a mood of gratitude and joy and love that would be lovely to see all year. I celebrate that possibility. May your holidays be happy and 2008 be joy-filled, healthy, prosperous and inspiring for the women of this wonderful community.

Gail Sussman Miller (WWTW Nov. 1997, Lake Delavan, WI) Inspired Choice 773.477.4012 www.inspiredchoice.com Teaching women solopreneurs how to love business obstacles and overcome them with greater ease, less stress, more success