In 1983, Rich and Char Tosi enrolled in a course for couples in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Before the course began, Rich decided he must leave the marriage for a while and find out who he was. So, in an effort to cancel out of this course, Char called the teacher of the course and shared her dilemma, and therefore would not attend. Now the teacher, being a wise and experienced man, said to Char, "You will always have a relationship, regardless of whether you live together or not, so this course just might help you figure out what that relationship will be at this time."

The couple attended the workshop. They struggled as the wife mourned the loss of her dream of a “happy ever after” marriage and the husband struggled with his need to be free of his dependence on his wife and discover who he was without a woman in his life. The pain was very great for both of them, and they were confused, angry, terrified, and sad.

Their teacher told them of another course, “Understanding Yourself and Others (UYO)” offered in Milwaukee by the Dreikurs Relationship Center of Boulder, Colorado. The struggling couple and their two sons attended the course and became part of a special community as they continued to heal the deep wounds within and between them.

Their wise teacher, Ron Hering, from the first workshop was still part of their lives. He had a dream to start a program for men that would tap the primal, masculine power of men and empower them to a new way of being. He called the husband and asked him to be part of his dream. Another man joined them and the three – Ron Hering, Rich Tosi and Bill Kauth -- met long hours and many days designing the first “Wildman Weekend” – now called the New Warrior Training. The first men’s’ weekend was held in the spring of 1985.

"Woman, Man and Relationship" Founders (L-R) Mary Butler, Char Tosi, and Jane Richards at Haimowoods in Kenosha WI, June, 1986

In the meantime, three women from the UYO community felt a need to develop a course for women by women. They designed the Woman: Man and Relationships course which focused on women’s relationships with the men in their life. On the first weekend, the seven staff not only participated, they led groups, bought supplies, helped process and cooked the meals! Woman: Man and Relationships was offered four times and was then put on hold for a period of healing. Susan Ballje who had been on staff the very first weekend saw the need for this type of work to continue and constantly supported the leaders in their healing process. So Susan and Char formed a partnership to continue this work for women in a new way.

Susan Ballje and Char Tosi at the first WW graduation, June 1987

In the spring of 1987 these two women asked six women to be the Board and support this next phase. The minutes of their first meeting in March reflected the new purpose: “To learn how to be a woman and how to communicate and celebrate the gentle power as a women.” The program was restructured and renamed Woman Within.

The first “Woman Within Weekend” with 20 women and 11 staff was held at Holiday Home Camp on Lake Geneva in June of 1987. The permanent location for the weekends eventually became House in the Woods, a peaceful island on Lake Delavan, Wisconsin

Much of the sacredness of the Woman Within community comes from Jungian psychology as well as many other feminist theories. Central to the foundation of the community is the spider’s web, thought by Native American Indians to signify the Great Feminine Spirit.

After a spider has found a foundation on which to weave her web, she then produces the silk which creates the structure, form and process of the web. The fabric of a spider’s web is 100 times stronger then steel, and is the strongest fabric in nature. It is durable, delicate and invisible. An orb web, with the classical spiral pattern, has three parts: the center, the orb and the radials. It’s fashioned in a circle, which is inclusive, and allows for flow and movement. The circle symbolizes life and is sacred to Native American Indians. The orb and radial lines hold the whole together. Each point of contact is a point of connection and it’s impossible to break a web into single lines without tearing the fabric and injuring the whole. And like the spider, the Woman Within organization uses its intuition and patience to see what comes next. Have you ever noticed how patient a spider is while she waits for her prey? It can’t force or “make anything happen” – a web must be woven and then change and opportunity will come when it’s right for the spider.

Spider Web Drawing, 1991

What are the shadow aspects of this web? Because of our history as women, it’s sometimes very difficult to work together as a team. The destructive aspect of eating each other alive has been present in this community. There is also the shadow of competition and power, of trying to find a place of safety without getting into a power struggle. Competition is healthy and necessary for us all to grow and stretch to become who we are meant to become. The shadow aspects have been seen in betrayal, unwillingness to share one’s truth, and fear of some women becoming more powerful then us. Every community, no matter what its size, will have a time when an evil spirit will try to take over and destroy the web. The vibrations can felt by all of its members. When we each embrace our shadow, we begin to know what community is about.

Char Tosi

Thousands of women from all over the world have gone through the Woman Within Weekend since that first weekend at House in the Woods. They come from all walks of life, from many occupations, religions, various family situations; yet binding together in the commonality of WOMANHOOD. The sacredness of this community is hard to explain, yet, it is about healing our wounds as children, as sisters, as mothers, as wives, as professional women, as liberated women. It is about being free and whole and connected to our inner femininity, so we can be once again connected with the earth, with all women, all men and all children of the earth.    

(continued next month, with many memorable photographs)