On a cool and cloudy Friday evening in October of 1995 Gloria Chatman was dropped off at the House in the Wood camp near Delevan, Wisconsin. This was Gloria’s second trip to House in the Wood as a few months earlier she had served as an advisor for an initiation weekend for African American junior high age girls. But this trip was different in many ways.

As Gloria surveyed the group on Friday evening, she found not even one woman who looked like her. She was the only woman of color. While most women there may have been afraid of the unknown, Gloria had fears for her physical safety. “I had never been on a camping trip or dropped off by myself in a desolate place out in the woods, in the middle of all white women. If something happened I wouldn’t even be able to reach my family and if something happened to me, who would know.” She went on to explain that her history included the knowledge that “when blacks were taken out in the woods, it was to be beaten or lynched. I knew that’s not what this weekend was about but there was no way to shut off that history, to leave it behind.” I asked Gloria if anything could have helped ease her fears. She said that it would have been so much better to have even one other African American woman there as a partner, someone else who had a common history.

Looking deeply into the eyes of other women is a part of the weekend. Knowing this might be a cultural challenge, I asked Gloria how it was for her to look women in the eyes. She explained that in her family she was taught to always look down as a sign of respect when talking to a white person. “My grandfather told me that you never, never look a white person in the eyes, for no reason at all. Even if they address you, you always look down.” Gloria explained that her mother and her grandmother were bolder but her grandfather’s teachings affected her on the weekend. She said that she hesitantly looked into the eyes of women to discern if it was safe to look at them directly. As she saw no danger but was met with acceptance and love, she began to look up, to know she had a right to be seen and valued and that she was safe. “Isn’t that something that every African American woman should have the opportunity to experience?” Gloria asked.

Gloria came to the weekend knowing she had work to do and wanting to find out more about herself. She said she wanted “to know who I am, no matter what it takes.” She affirmed that “the weekend made me more comfortable with who I am. It made me more aware of others and their uniqueness too.” As the days went on she realized she had a sense of belonging and she was able to trust the women, especially a loving guide named Sheri (Zuccato).

Gloria had shared with the women on the weekend that “fun” was something that was in short supply in her growing up years. The women were eager to help her make up for lost time and they teased and joked with her. “On Sunday morning I walked with a couple of women back to the cabin. We were laughing and having a wonderful time. I was feeling so free and liberated until we neared my cot. I gasped and thought ‘Oh, no, racism is here too! I came all the way out here for THIS treatment?’” What she saw momentarily erased all the good feelings of the weekend and the fears came rushing back.

Gloria’s cot was wrapped in every direction with white strips of toilet paper. Gloria had never been “T-P’d” and she viewed the sight as a malicious, racist sign that she was not welcome on the weekend. Quickly her companions explained that their intention was to create fun and acceptance. When they saw the devastating impact of the toilet papering incident on Gloria, the women tearfully explained that they would never have wanted to hurt her. Gloria was able to receive their explanations and believe that the women did not want to hurt her but the incident lingered in her mind.

Gloria says she would recommend the Woman Within training to other women. In fact she would love it if her mother would attend. She said the training made a positive difference in her life.

Gloria’s husband, Bob, also was an advisor for an initiation weekend for African American and Latino boys. Gloria smiled broadly as she said, "I don’t know what happened on that boys’ weekend, but Bob came back a more loving and considerate man.” Bob and Gloria have 3 grown daughters who have been taught to hold their heads proudly and look directly into the eyes of those to whom they speak. (Some readers may have seen middle daughter Lakeisha when she and her husband danced the beautiful closing of the MKP/WWI conference in Milwaukee.)