On February 16 I had a colonoscopy.

Since turning 50 three years ago, my doctor had been saying it was time for this test.
I kept putting it off.
Later.
Next time.
Next year.
When I’m not so busy.
What’s the rush?
I’m healthy, aren’t I?
Aren’t I?

Then came the news of Sheri’s illness, hope that she would recover, and the shock of her death on January 4th.
My Spiritual Self understands and accepts the timing of Sheri’s departure.
My Physical Self feels fear and does not understand, wants answers, wants it different.

It was time to schedule my colonoscopy.
I had many feelings about it.
Would it hurt?
Would I feel ashamed of my body?
Would I feel too vulnerable and out of control?
What if there were men in the room?
What if something was found?

As an empowered woman, I knew what to do.
Speak my fears, have them heard by the women in my e-circle, by my mother and my sister, be soothed, move into the place of self-love and self-care. This was part Warrior and part Lover.

A day of clear liquids fasting - not so bad. I was surprised at how little I actually needed to consume in a day.
Drinking 32 ounces of lemon-lime flavored liquid (twice) - not so bad.
A complete - and I do mean complete - purging of the system - not so bad. I felt light, clean, and empty. I looked at my tummy with new tenderness, love and gratitude for the magnificent job it does nourishing me every day. And hey, my pants fit better the next day!

Yes, the doctor was a man. And he was warm, respectful and kind.
The nurse was caring and attentive.
An IV was easily placed into my arm and I was covered with a heated blanket.

Suddenly everyone left the room for a minute which I thought was a little strange.
I was alone.
I started thinking about Sheri and then I felt her presence in the room. She was cheering me on. Just like Sheri – always the champion. I felt sad and happy at the same time, and there was no fear.

The next thing I remember was awakening with no pain or discomfort at all.
I met briefly with the doctor who said everything is healthy. All is good.

A woman in my e-circle drove me home.
I spent the rest of the day resting and savoring my feelings of self-pride, strength, trust, relief, peace-of-mind, new respect for my body, calm, gratitude, greater self-love, and the joy of receiving support and care from others.

Beyond all my fears and resistance, my colonoscopy gave me so many gifts.

Please give yourself this gift. It’s not so bad at all.



Mary Ann Hartnett
(WWTW) Sept, 2000, Lake Delavan WI