Twenty years after giving birth to Woman Within, nurturing it and seeing it grow and develop, Char is starting to feel her energy shift toward new endeavors and new adventures.

Her life began 63 years ago: “I was born in Fleming, Kentucky, which is in the mountains of Eastern Kentucky. My father was a Baptist Minister and pastored a church for 40 years in Hindman, Kentucky, which is where I grew up—climbing mountains. I really wanted to be a cheerleader and a nurse. I achieved the latter. I wanted to be a nurse from as young as I can remember, which probably stemmed from the fact that I was very sickly most of my childhood. I had rickets, and did not walk until I was two years old.”

Char has been a healer most of her life. She graduated from Vanderbilt University with a BS degree in nursing. She also has an MS degree in Educational Psychology from the University of Wisconsin. Char has taught nursing at the University of Wisconsin. She founded Woman Within and has staffed or lead hundreds of weekends.

Char related how she met Rich Tosi: “Thanks to a rare snowstorm in Nashville, Tennessee, which canceled my flight, I ‘hitched’ a ride with a friend who was taking another friend (Rich) to Florida for Spring Break. It was very serendipitous.”

Fifteen years and two sons later, Char and Rich separated: “Rich actually left because he really needed some space to find who he was. At the beginning of the separation, we attended a workshop called, 'Understanding Yourself and Others.' It was during this workshop that I discovered that my self-esteem was totally dependent on what Rich thought about me. I learned how to empower myself from the inside out instead of depending on others (Rich) to empower me. I think we both found our own individual ground to stand on, and the bottom line was that we truly loved each other and wanted to be together.” Within a year, Rich and Char were back together again.

When asked what they have done to make the relationship work all these years, Char answers, "I think the one thing that has been the strongest connector is a candle ceremony that we do every day.  This has been like a spark of energy that grows stronger every day and has helped us to sustain in tough times.  The ceremony is very short.  One of us says to the other, 'I appreciate you,' and the other repeats back the same words.  We then say to each other, 'I cherish you.' We even do this over the telephone when we are apart."

Soon after Rich, Ron Hering and Bill Kauth started the Warriors for men, they approached Char about creating the same type of weekend for women. Their wives wanted what the men had. The first weekends, created by Char, Mary Butler and Jane Richards, started in 1986, were called, “Men, Women and Relationships” and were more confrontational than the WW weekends are today.

Four men came to the first women's weekends and talked about how women wrecked the men's lives. This was the first idea for helping the women get in touch with their anger. It worked but there had to be a better way! These weekends were not successful: women were not drawn to the first weekends and attendance started dwindling. Char became depressed, She felt like a failure: believing she had failed the men, the women, that she had failed everyone. During this time of deep depression, her good friend, Susan Ballje called her daily with support and encouragement.

Eventually Char recovered from her depression and, getting together with group of 5 other women, including Susan Ballje and Ro Getto, created what is now the "Woman Within" weekend.  As she was out taking a walk during the time of these meetings, the idea for the Castle Meditation came to Char “in a flash.” 

Char founded Woman Within in response to the wives of the men who were experiencing the New Warrior Weekends. She saw women were always giving and rarely receiving and believed women needed a more nurturing environment (than the men's more confrontational weekends), a place where they felt safe. This newly created Woman Within weekend worked! Women wanted to come back and staff; they wanted to bring their friends. Woman Within grew organically with a lot of synchronicity and with virtually no marketing.

These days, Char especially loves presenting the "Mother's Shadow" Workshop. She has a passion for working with men and their relationship with their mother. 

Where did this passion come from? "This passion is mostly driven from becoming conscious of how I have hurt my sons by my unconscious mothering spells.  I realized some of the things I did as a mother—and I was a good mother—were done out of the intent to love, yet they had crippling effects." 

What you do enjoy so much about presenting this workshop?  "What I enjoy most about doing this workshop is how men light up when they discover they are not responsible for their mother’s happiness and it is OK for them to be separate and they can still love her."

Why do men feel responsible for their mother's feelings? "It comes from two sources.  They (the men) did not get what they needed from their mothers and worked hard to make her happy or they were taught this by their mothers who needed a surrogate partner for an absent husband."

Rich and Char Tosi at a Couples Weekend 2 as they    do a King and Queen Blessings

Char says her pet peeve is women who put men down. "After working with thousands of men I have found that a lot of beliefs women have about men are not true."

Can you give examples of popular and persistent false beliefs about men which you know are not true? "One myth is that men cannot access their feelings easily and another is that men think women are weak. Men can access their feelings, but because they fear women, they protect their feelings.  When they feel safe, the men are more open with their feelings.  I have  often seen men crying within 10 minutes of the start of the 'Mother's Shadow' workshop simply because they feel safe."

Char and Rich created and present "A Couples Workshop" together.  They started "A Couples Workshop" when they realized that men's and women's individual work was not enough to give them communication tools as couples.  I ask Char to give examples of areas in couple relationships that often need 'couples' work: "First of all, the clearing model we use on weekends does not work with couples.  I have seen over and over women shut down when men say, 'And what I judge about you is . . .'  Secondly, the individual weekends do not teach skills on how to handle each other’s angers in ‘real’ space.  And thirdly, the skill of listening and stating what one wants has a distinct skill set that needs to be learned through practice."

Char says she has a desire to see more diversity for Woman Within. How do we do this? Since first reading Natasha's invitation for an article about Differences, she has been looking back at her own history – how she reacts and does not react to people who are different. Char's thoughts: "People have to feel safe to expose shadow – most of it is unconscious and we are not aware of it. We need to be more gentle with each other with the diversity issue. The 'sledgehammer' approach does not work." She is all for healing pain of differences and believes that a more gentle approach is needed for women to heal. She took the 'Issues and Isms' workshop, created by the MKP, and thinks it was very effective and enlightening. "We need to be with the question, work through it and with each other."

I asked Char what she thought we could do to start creating more diversity in Woman Within? "Gather groups of diverse women for a weekend focused on diversity: color, religion, culture, sexual orientation. Each woman tells her story. Hear each other and stay in a safe place. Both the West Coast and Southwest weekends are already more diverse: half of the women are not white on most of the weekends. South Africa is also doing a phenomenal job with balancing participants."

What is your greatest personal challenge (or shadow) today? "My greatest personal challenge continues to be to listen to my inner voice.  I guess one teaches what one needs to learn!  I go into huge cycles of self-doubt and question myself and my truth much longer than serves me."

If you could have done anything else with your life, what would it be? "I wanted to be a missionary nurse in Africa.  That was a dream that I had for many years—however marriage and children came along.  It was when I was holding and rocking my granddaughter the weekend of the first South African WW weekend that I started crying because I realized that what I created was now serving women in Africa.  So that dream was fulfilled in a very different way than I had ever imagined."

I ask Char how she sees Woman Within growing. She says she cannot answer that.  She sees herself stepping back and handing it over to the International and the Regions.  She does see Woman Within flourishing.  She would like to align with Oprah and work with Oprah's girls in South Africa, work with their emotional issues.  Char would also like to see the work expand into more areas such as into corporations and, at the grass roots level, work with local community programs.  She mentions the "Girls Rock" community level program in the St. Louis, MO. community as a good example of grass roots work.

Char and Rich lived in Wisconsin for about 20 years. They moved to Michigan when Rich was transferred by GM. Shortly after the move to Michigan, Rich took a buy-out from GM and started working with the Warriors full-time.  Rich is currently on sabbatical, recovering from Epstein-Barr, an illness similar to Chronic Fatigue, which is caused by a virus; he gets tired easily and sleeps a lot.

They live in a country house on 2 acres with many trees and a small lake. Char thinks of it as a place to “veg.” When she is not working, Char likes to go swimming and do Yoga, loves to garden around her home, go to plays, and hang around with friends, such as Marg Renaud. She also enjoys long walks with her husband and visits to Maine at least every other year, which is her spiritual place. Char and Rich like to vacation in warm places near water. Rich dives, Char likes to snorkel. Char also likes to fly, to be up in the air.  She has gone hot air ballooning and parasailing and wants to parachute before she dies.

Rich and Char Tosi with granddaughter, Aryana

Char has two sons. Tony, lives in Evansville, WI with his wife, Connie, and two children, 6 month old son, Jeremiah and 4-year old daughter, Makenna. Son David and his wife, Christine, live in Arizona with their 3-year old daughter, Aryana. Char loves her time with her 3 grandchildren, they are the greatest joy in her life today. Char was present at the birth of each of her grandchildren and gave each one their first bath, staying with the new mom for one week following the birth of each grandchild.

The entire family gets together once a year for one holiday. Last year it was Thanksgiving. They see each other as often as possible throughout the year.

What is your favorite music, favorite play, favorite movie? "My favorite music is listening to snow fall and the birds sing, however, I do like classical music.  My favorite all time movie is 'Sound of Music,' which I have probably watched over 20 times.  As for plays, 'Les Miserables' and 'Lion King' (the play) are pretty close."

Is there any place in the world you would like to visit and if so why? "I truly want to go to Scotland, because that is where my father’s ancestry is from.  I love adventures and I love traveling." 

Where would you like to be 10 years from now? "Let’s see, I will be 73 years old.  I hope I will be enjoying my grandchildren, still writing, still going to an occasional weekend, vibrant and alive!"

When asked what she wants women to know, Char responded: "Women really do not know how powerful and magical they are.  They need to embrace knowledge of their own power.  Beliefs such as, 'never good enough,' 'not as good as,' are very common among women. We need to embrace wholeness and beauty of who we are as women."

As this newsletter is "going to press" Char is staffing a weekend outside of Phoenix, AZ. This work is experiential, involving mind, body and spirit, and Char continues to experience her own healing whenever she staffs or leads a weekend. For Char, this has been a calling. There is an inner voice that tells her to keep going, to follow her bliss.

Char says she enjoys writing more than traveling, feels a shift coming toward more writing, less traveling.  Unless the traveling involves grandchildren or parasailing.

Click to see the Tosi Family Album: http://www.womenincircle.org/heartbeat/2007/articles/20070301b.html 

Char Tosi
Founder, Woman Within
Mother's Shadow Workshop
A Couples Weekend
char@tosi.biz