How to Love Networking for Women By Gail Sussman Miller

On a scale of 1-10, how much do you love networking? Yes, love! A ranking of 1 means you’d rather clean the oven. A 10 means you love connecting with people everywhere, whether at a retail store checkout or in an elevator or sitting in your dentist’s chair! Write your ranking down now, before you read the rest of this article.

Now, read on so, together, we can bust past what for you may be an obstacle to achieving business and personal growth. Imagine being a woman who views networking as an easy, natural extension of who you are and what you like to do! Get ready to increase your confidence and comfort with networking.

The power of networking. No matter where you are on the 1-10 scale, many business experts agree and evidence shows that networking is becoming the number one way to accomplish goals. Networking is typically the best way to market a business, find clients, find a job, raise funds for charity, and make friends or even to find romance! It’s a great way to reduce research and “cold-calling” and can lead to door-opening introductions, new ideas, collaborations and unexpected opportunities. And here's the good news! I believe women are uniquely talented at creating and maintaining relationships. Let's leverage that.

What is networking, anyway? Many envision walking into a Chamber of Commerce with 100+ people or association meetings or other scheduled events with lots of strangers. For some it’s attending a social mixer where people make small talk and tolerate the evening, waiting to leave after they get their quota of business cards. By the end of this article you'll have a new interpretation that fits the way you operate.

What are your challenges to networking? Perception and unwritten rules contribute to creating uncomfortable obstacles to this powerful activity. Some worry about how to start (and end) conversations, what to say, if they are interesting enough, and fear rejection. Many believe they have to be an extrovert to succeed, must impose on others, or give a forced sales pitch. That’s not very inviting. That dirty oven is looking more and more appealing, right?

Let the reframing begin! Let’s start by redefining your characterization of networking and rules you’ve heard or made up. Try on my definition for a moment. “Networking is connecting with like-minded people for the greater good.” It’s making new acquaintances and going deeper with existing relationships for the sake of a common objective. Now, stop reading a moment. Do you feel a shift in your attitude about networking with this new definition?

Think about your motivation to network. What information, resources or help might you need to make an improvement in some area of your life? What if connecting with other people helped you get there sooner? What if it was easy?!

10 obstacle-busting tips and new rules. Here are some tips and philosophies to help you start your own obstacle transformation now. And, yeah, you’ll detect a smidgen of spirituality mixed in. Notice the guidelines that speak the most to you and write them down to try out in your next encounter.

1. Make an assumption that everyone is special. Everyone. Be curious and make it your goal at a networking event to find out one unique thing about each person you meet.

2. Some people fear they won’t be interesting enough. To be interesting, be interested. People will appreciate and feel your genuine attention and will be drawn to you.

3. Be generous and other-oriented. Listen and ask to determine people’s needs and see how you can be a resource or connector. Give first vs. being out to “get” something. Give without expecting anything in return.

4. Keep in mind a mental shopping list of all the things you need in your life. Perhaps you need a recommendation on a new plumber, a computer, a new client, ideas for a great vacation spot. See everyone you meet as an opportunity to learn.

5. Start conversations comfortably in 2 easy steps. 1) Say hello. 2) Find out what you have in common. To start, you are both human beings at the same place and time on the planet! “Are you attending this business group for the first time?” “Do you know the bride or the groom at this wedding?” “Are you a friend of the host of this party?”

6. Be prepared to ask powerful questions that move past small talk, one of the things people often dislike about networking. Ask, “What is most important to you?” about the topic you are discussing. Imagine how authentic you will feel and how memorable you will be if you ask, “What is your greatest satisfaction in your work?”

7.  Be unattached to the outcome, which removes pressure. Define your own idea of success at a networking event and make it fun and easy. Examples: say hello to at least 3 people, have 1 meaningful conversation, ask 1 person for something you need.

8. Rename “networking” and toss out that term and all your old limiting beliefs and rules. Call it “connecting” or a more meaningful word that fits you.

9. Here's a shocker. You don’t have to attend another organized networking event ever again! This is great news if you are shy or introverted or just don't like large gatherings. Create your own “event” every time you meet or reach out to people.

10. Think about how and where you meet people most comfortably in your life. At church or synagogue? At a party? Playing sports? Carry that mindset and approach everywhere. When it comes down to it, you meet people one-to-one even in a room of a thousand. And it can be fun.

Gail Sussman Miller (WWTW, November, 1997, Lake Delavan, WI.) www.inspiredchoice.com gail.sussman.miller@onebox.com 773.477.4012