iAfrika

How might my life be different if there were a place for me?

A place of women where the voices sound like my own.
A place where the women know the smell of my home.
A place where the women understand, without words, what it feels like to be South African.

How might my life be different?

I can see that there are moments in life that have defined me…moments that answer the tricky question: “Who am I?”

Having spent the past 10 years living on two different continents, neither of which was the land of my birth and childhood, I often find myself placing great weight on the moments that in some way take me home. The ones that remind me of who I am in the face of constant “foreignness”.

From my very first Woman Within weekend, I dreamt of a circle in which the voices surrounding me were the sounds from home. I could almost taste in my mouth the sweetness of what it would be like to sit in circle with women who sound like me. On November 25th, 2005 this became a reality when we held the first Woman Within Training Weekend in Cape Town, South Africa.

Here is a story.
Lukozo lomya
…It is very beautiful.

Our first staff circle is held in a chapel. Tall windows looking out over olive trees, old whitewashed Cape Dutch buildings, dusty roads and in the distance the sight of Table Mountain. We take time to acknowledge our differences and remind ourselves to respect one other’s identity…South African, British, Zimbabwean, European, American, Canadian, White, Black, Native American, Indian, Afrikaans, English, Xhosa…I see that every woman on staff has in some way been called to this place.

Lukozo lomya
…It is very beautiful.

We eat our meals on an outside porch under the ancient blue South African sky. The weekend falls over American Thanksgiving, and the South African organizers surprise staff with a feast…their gesture is valuable. Many of the American staff have chosen this experience over family celebrations. We pull tables together, clink glasses and give thanks. I am surprised to see that I am struggling to find my place.

Lukozo lomya
…It is very beautiful.

The participants arrive early. All of them! Everyone is present by five minutes to six! I realize that these women have been waiting for us. Some have been waiting for years and they are ready. As the women, one-by-one, step up to the registration table, I hear the South African voices washing over me and I feel something release. Tears. I see that I have come home.

Lukozo lomya
…It is very beautiful.

It is unlike any weekend. Different languages fill the rooms, translators fill the gaps. We misunderstand one another. I see out-of-country staff overlooking local customs in this daunting circle. There are many questions and I remember that South Africans ask questions. We ask until we have the answers. It seems that everything takes more time, but I remember we are on African Time—there is no hurry. All will happen in its own time.

And then it is the same as every weekend. The pain. The release. The joy.

Lukozo lomya
…It is very beautiful.

It is nighttime. Dark. Late. Chill in the air. We hold our candles, and as one, stare across the mountains and up to a night sky covered in stars. It is the sky of my home and I see the Southern Cross. I look around me and I see the stars reflected in our candles. There is a deep silence. I cannot describe this moment.

Lukozo lomya
…It is very beautiful.

We are in the land of drums. The land of rattles. The land of singing. The land of feet stomping ground. Noisy, dirty, messy, earthy, spontaneous. The initiates offer us songs. Gifts. We sing the national anthem of South Africa, Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika.
It is unlike anything before.

Lukozo lomya
…It is very beautiful.

And suddenly, the weekend is complete. We take a photograph to capture the moment. My mother and I stand on the grass, looking out over the women, arm around one another’s shoulders and we whisper to one another: “We did it. We really did it.”

I see that I am South African.
I see that now there is a place where I can go to be in circle with voices like my own.
There is a place where women know the smell of my home.
A place where women understand, without words what it feels like to be South African.
Lukozo lomya
…it is very beautiful.



Natasha Taylor went through her Woman Within Training Weekend in November 1998 in Gaunts House, England. She is currently Spirit Leader for the Chicago Women in Circle community.

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